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a poem - I haven't exactly been a ball of joy, melvin

Nov. 22nd, 2005 02:47 pm a poem

Love Outta Nowhere
November 1, 2005
You came outta nowhere-
or maybe I did
–saying as how you had been
where you had been for over a year.
Maybe I mean:
you came in from nowhere-
drilled a hole into my heart-
drilled a hole into my heart-
and filled it with yourself.
This love came outta nowhere-
or somewhere I guess-
‘cuz it DID fill me gradually
the way a river or a natural pond are made.
Does that make sense?
‘cuz I’ve realized that nothing does these days-
-especially love-
but I guess nothing ever did.


‘Cuz how can love like this make sense-
and come outta nowhere so suddenly-
come from somewhere-
come to us where love is not allowed-
where this love is not allowed?
Behind a barbed wire fence-
behind politics and dining room walls?
3, 4 years your senior-
I wasn’t supposed to trust you-
let alone love you-
-but I did despite my better judgment.
Because you came outta nowhere-
with honesty and a way of being tough,
though sensitive, yes, sensitive too-
how long was I to say “no, go away?”
And it wasn’t the poem you gave me-
the one with the drawing of a rose-
-though it Ws very diabolical of you-
saying as how I told you I like creative guys.


This love that came from somewhere-
came before that-
though had you asked I would have denied it-
-5 MORE months-
‘Cuz this love that came outta nowhere
came from somewhere where love is not allowed-
where our love was not allowed-
where sex in closets is quietly allowed-
where illegal things are quietly allowed-
where blackmail, lies, and gossip is quietly allowed.
But love?
no, not love pure and simple-
‘cuz you loved me pure and simple-
and eventually I loved you pure and simple-
and simply pure.
I mean this love came outta nowhere
gaining my trust, gaining my friendship,
and eventually my love.

You came outta nowhere-
melding your heart with mine-
despite my better judgment I let you-
-‘cuz you never tried to touch me-
or looked at me like I was just a “ho” for you to fill.
So I hugged you outta nowhere-
to thank you for being you-
to thank you for loving me-
and showing me that I could love you, too-
-though this love was not allowed.
And I kissed you outta nowhere-
where our love was not allowed-
where it would never be allowed-
-only our pain would be allowed.
And came that bullshit-
that tried to keep us far apart-
he tried to tear us apart
if we didn’t do as he said-
-but that wasn’t outta nowhere-
‘cuz we knew that it might happen.


So the plan was for one of us to leave-
you were supposed to leave-
-so outta nowhere I gave in-
gave in to the passion that grew
out of months of longing.
Unregrettable.
Outta nowhere torn apart-
because our love was not allowed-
only his lies were allowed-
and this fucking heartache was allowed.
You came outta nowhere-
and made me love you where love is not allowed-
only these tears are things allowed-
only this despair and sadness are things allowed-
-well, fuck rules, you know?
You came outta nowhere-
where love was not allowed-
but it was there, nevertheless-
and I wish you had come sooner.

Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: moscas en la casa- shakira

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