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empty - I haven't exactly been a ball of joy, melvin

Nov. 22nd, 2005 03:35 pm empty

   I was called by the investigator, his name is Chad. He asked me to go and see him so I can sign something saying how I never had sex with Dale and that we didn't strat a relationship until he was 18. he had all my letters, and notes. he knew all the dates. I was already planning on being honest but it caught me off guard. So I'm not going ot jail, but if I heard correctly- Dale won't be given any of my letters any more. Because that would be condoning our retionship. So I don't know if this means I won't be recieving mail from him also. We can't talk, we can't see one another, and NOW we can't even write. To top it all of, Chad said he told Dlae he would let him call me. But that hasn't happened, though in reality, I didn't honestly think it would happen. Why? He owes us nothing. So now we'll go three months without any communication. And I feel like dying. Can I make it that long without him? What if I give up? What if I don't love him like I thought? How can I be wrong? I never felt this way about anyone. Not this strongly. Have I? I'm so confused right now, and lonely, and miserable without him. Myrnas phone is shut off so I can't even talk to his parents. How can I enjoy my birthday knowing that I'm not going to hear from him again until March 8? I guess all I can do is sit here and dream about our future. We're getting married where the Aztecs vacationed, then off to New York and our life together. We'll work it out, I know. 'Cuz he won't let me go, and I won't let him.

  I can't eat any more. I try but everything I look at makes me sick. I eat once a day, force myself, drink lots of water, eat gramh crackers and think about how sad I am. Can a person live like this for three months? Is this better than being a compulsive eater? At least I won't be 300lbs when he's released. That's something I guess. This off and on binging isn't good for me I know. But what is a girl to do on the verge of a nervous breakdown? "The sky is tired of seeing the rain fall..." But still it rains and and I forget that "it can't rain all the time." I just miss him so much.


Even after all this time the Sun never says to the Earth "you owe me."

Look what happens with a love like that-

Lights up the world.


Current Mood: crushedcrushed

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Date:November 25th, 2005 01:38 pm (UTC)
Happy Birthday. I hope you are having a good day.